you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
