i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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