Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
