very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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