I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
