He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just gargled with NyQuil
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
