oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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