I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
