i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
be right there i have to get my cape
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
