I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
