I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
