Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Terrible idea I love it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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