I'm really into asian looking animals
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
