Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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