I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
