Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
