I cockslap morals
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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