I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
