we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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