this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
