I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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