discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She bit a glass in half.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
