Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
