so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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