i permit you to call me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
