So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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