That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
wanna go halves on a baby?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
