Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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