Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just cropdusted the office
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
