My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
