that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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