I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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