u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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