Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
