I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
