I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
