I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
