I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
