Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.

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  (214): Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again. http://tfl.nu/sc3c
  Replies (5) Good night (1540) Bad night (540)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.

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  (850): So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/g8du
  Replies (8) Good night (885) Bad night (2729)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.

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  (860): i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug. http://tfl.nu/sjuy
  Replies (25) Good night (3465) Bad night (719)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.

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  (416): I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom. http://tfl.nu/jkib
  Replies (21) Good night (4489) Bad night (657)
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  (607): View more from New York

  i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?

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  (607): i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life? http://tfl.nu/2cyx
  Replies (27) Good night (991) Bad night (5158)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it

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  (918): Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it http://tfl.nu/0aic
  Replies (29) Good night (3794) Bad night (1633)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".

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  (713): You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation". http://tfl.nu/47p5
  Replies (8) Good night (2731) Bad night (1857)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.

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  (337): I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven. http://tfl.nu/stao
  Replies (4) Good night (3946) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday

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  (614): Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday http://tfl.nu/2snx
  Replies (3) Good night (928) Bad night (1948)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.

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  (303): I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick. http://tfl.nu/7vfn
  Replies (3) Good night (557) Bad night (1570)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off

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  (318): I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off http://tfl.nu/iq1g
  Replies (2) Good night (929) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Why do you think she gets more guys?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that

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  (603): Why do you think she gets more guys? (1-603): well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that http://tfl.nu/1cti
  Replies (2) Good night (1575) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh my god

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  (336): I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown (336): Oh my god http://tfl.nu/ejg0
  Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.

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  (806): I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship. http://tfl.nu/hvwx
  Replies (3) Good night (766) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.

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  (318): U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off. http://tfl.nu/1s94
  Replies (3) Good night (604) Bad night (303)

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