I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.