you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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