Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?