I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...