i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.