he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life