We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
