I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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