dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
