Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
