My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he fucked my hip out of place.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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