Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
