Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Four minutes until I can fart!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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