Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
