its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
