so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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