I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
