I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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