Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
