i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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