respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
