This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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