I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
