somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
