I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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