put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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