i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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