Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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