There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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