I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
