Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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