i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I love you. Go after that dick
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