I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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