It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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