EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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