This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
