WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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