Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
