all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
