sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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