I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
