I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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