wanna go halves on a baby?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
