I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
