Got a toothbrush?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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