You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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