im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
