Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
