Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
