Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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